


calpol (you're not half as bad as you thought)

by dekuwhomst



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bisexual Character, F/F, Female Friendship, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian Character, Post-Canon, Rambling, Rated T for swearing, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Texting, actually the Everything Titles are from cavetown songs, chapter titles from cavetown songs, eventual amanai kanoka/yachi hitoka, probably. if i can be bothered., thoughts, utter shite sorry xx, will probably be deleted lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 18:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30110310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dekuwhomst/pseuds/dekuwhomst
Summary: But then there’s Hitoka-chan. Hitoka-chan, a remnant of her final year of high school. Ryuu had introduced them, of course, because he was outgoing and fiercely friendly. They were the classic female friendship- platonic ‘gurlfriends’, ‘gal pals’, talking shit and grabbing coffee. They’ll stay that way until they’re middle aged, until one of them steals a cake recipe and it irreversibly ruins their friendship. Middle-aged women are funny like that.-hitoka, kanoka and their thoughts
Relationships: Amanai Kanoka & Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Amanai Kanoka/Yachi Hitoka, Background Tanaka Ryuunosuke/Shimizu Kiyoko, Shimizu Kiyoko & Yachi Hitoka
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	1. blossom of the months / driven off with thought

**Author's Note:**

> like most of my serious fics this one probably wont last long lol. please correct me if i butchered any honorifics. i don't speak japanese and ive never written them before, but the names feel funny without them lol. i won't be offended if you point out my mistakes!!

“Oh.” Hitoka murmurs into her pillow.

_I like being your friend, Hitoka-chan._

_Friend._ Kanoka-chan was her _friend._

Maybe she could be satisfied with that. Another friend. Just like Kiyoko-san! Kiyoko-san, who had married Tanaka-kun. She remembered when she had told her they were dating- and it had torn her up inside. Poor Tadashi-kun, she must have been _unbearable._

 _“But it’s difficult being a,” Hitoka lowered her voice, “_ lesbian _, especially here.”_

And Tadashi-kun, selfless Tadashi-kun, had listened to her warble on and on and on and on and

But it’s _justified_ to be annoyed, to be dissatisfied with another _close friendship_ with a girl she likes. Like, like-likes. Like, when a guy likes a girl. Like that kind of liking.

_“Hitoka-chan, you are wonderful and patient and none of us deserve you. I’m more than happy to be your friend.”_

Tadashi-kun doesn’t lie. He’s shy but he’s a thinker, despite being overshadowed by his more… fluorescent friends. Well, fluorescent would never describe Kei-kun well, but to Yamaguchi Tadashi, selfless Yamaguchi Tadashi, he is bright and inspiring- a moon that refuses to wane.

Hitoka talks to her friends. Of course she does. But of her friends, Kei-kun is the most foreign to her. He reflects his surroundings, like the moon he’s named for, but he’s named for a firefly too. A soft, consistent light. Too soft, often, for Hitoka to pick up without effort, and god knows she wastes that on _girls,_ girls who are married to athletic trainers.

 _Kanoka-chan, Kanoka-chan,_ she reminds herself. _Kanoka-chan has nobody either. Alone together._

They aren’t together, and that’s the problem. Does Kanoka-chan even like girls? She couldn’t. Hitoka would know, she _would,_ she is an expert in this field.

Hitoka flips onto her other side and navigates her way through a glowing screen.

“hello lgbt community” she texts.

Shouyou-kun is online immediately, yelled greetings and questions.

_HIHIHIHI_

_HOW R U YACHI-SAN_

_WAITWAIT DID U SEEMY GAME_

_HAVE U SEEN THIS DOG ?? HES A GOOD BOY_ [img attached]

There’s a moment in which Shouyou-kun continues to type, but as it is sent it is evident that it is not him at all.

_hi yachiksakklm,n hello_

_please ignrorr-er him;-ppl[‘_

_SORRY THAT WA’SMT ME HES VERY ANOYING_

_sirry avtdj tgat yachis0a0jn its quite la4otpwte so were going 2weiqojto dleep now’_

Kei-kun intervenes.

_stfu pls im trying to sleep u whores._

Hitoka checks the time. It’s 12:04, to be exact. Her phone is near ‘death’, as Tadashi-kun so optimistically puts it.

She drags herself out from her warm spot under her flower-patterned sheets and retrieves a charger. Her phone buzzes. Kanoka-chan’s profile picture flashes.

Hitoka gives herself half a second to think.

Hitoka picks up.


	2. educate on your state / you can figure out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kanoka, ryuu and the public eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheeee kanoka pov chapter except its written in the ungodly hours of the night (again! wow.)

A _date._

And she had sounded so confident and casual about it, too.

Jeez.

Kanoka sighs, because she knows that if she had that confidence, _she_ might be married by now.

But she’s _exhausted._ It’s tiring to be in the public eye- as much as she tries to deny her own fame, she played in the Olympics. She is seen every day. She plays (she works) and she talks to her friends (her colleagues) and her… well, she supposes they’re fans.

She doesn’t talk to Maiko as much as she should. They were inseparable in high school- three hard years of _volleyball,_ that she loves, and being well known, which she loves a little bit less. Being watched, really, is the problem. She knows she belongs on the international stage because she’s been told that, and she’s much more confident in her identity, her beauty, her ability, than she was as a paranoid preteen.

But then there’s Hitoka-chan. Hitoka-chan, a remnant of her final year of high school. Ryuu had introduced them, of course, because he was outgoing and fiercely friendly. They were the classic female friendship- platonic ‘gurlfriends’, ‘gal pals’, talking shit and grabbing coffee. They’ll stay that way until they’re middle aged, until one of them steals a cake recipe and it irreversibly ruins their friendship. Middle-aged women are funny like that.

Maybe Kanoka will have everything figured out by the time she’s 40- a husband, a big house, a few kids. Tough to be a girlboss when you’re- well, you’re a girl.

And it’s strange being a girl, especially being a girl who’s an athlete. Sometimes she searches her own name on a social media platform and she doomscrolls through criticism, the thirst of old men and highlight clips in equal measures. Kanoka counts her blessings. At least she isn’t _shipped._

The only people she interacts with that are _known_ would be her teammates, and they’re all girls, of course. Kanoka doesn’t like girls. Maybe. She hasn’t quite gotten that figured out, nor gotten over her not-crush on Zendaya.

Kanoka freezes.

Hitoka-chan had called it a _date._ Did she mean a _date-date?_ Or a ‘awesome, it’s a date!’-date? Fuck. Shit. She’s gone out for coffee or for a walk with her before. Were they meant to be platonic? Was the very concept of the ‘gal-pal’ lesbophobic propaganda? Was Kanoka meant to say something other than “that’s cool! I’ll support you no matter what, Yacchan!” when Hitoka-chan came out to her?

Kanoka tugs at a lock of her hair. Is she meant to feel something for Hitoka-chan by now? _Does_ she?

Fuck. She’s meant to know this. She liked Ryuu, way back when.

_whats it like having a crush_

Google comes through, a little bit.

**_What Does_ ** _It Feel **Like** to **Have a Crush**? If you feel strange around your **crush** , you're not alone. That's how most people feel around their **crushes**. You might feel shy or giddy or maybe even shy and giddy all at once!_

She breathes a sigh of relief. She is- has to be- confident around Hitoka-chan. After all, she has her other volleyball friends to keep up with.

Well, her confidence is often a fake-it-til-you-make-it thing. Kanoka is shy by nature and nothing can change that, but effort is effort, and like Ryuu always said, she’ll just do it over and over again until she gets it.

Ryuu was quite a smart six-year old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for reading! kanoka is dense as fuck. i dont know if i'll have the energy to write a slow burn or if i'll write myself into a corner. we'll see how it goes. i want more yamaguchi in the next chapter so look forward to that maybe. mayhaps. chapter title from yet another cavetown song (snake and the prairie dogs). Head Full Many Thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> i will likely continue this! ive got no experience writing romance tho so bear w me haha. title is from the cavetown song also called calpol and chapter name is from the song 'paul' by big thief (but cavetown covered it too!) cavetown moment... sorry lol


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